Student Life - Leadership Resources
Assertiveness
Many college students find it difficult to express their feelings
honestly and openly because they lack assertiveness. This can
become a problem when building a relationship, pursuing a career
or communicating with family, friends, and co-workers.
What is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings, opinions,
beliefs and needs directly, openly and honestly, while not violating
the personal rights of others. Assertiveness does not in any
way mean being aggressive. Assertiveness tends to include, clarify
and respect others.
How to Develop Assertiveness Skills:
- Be direct, honest and open about your feelings, opinions and
needs. State reasonable requests directly and firmly. State
your goals or intentions in an open and honest manner. State
your point of view without being hesitant or apologetic.
- Do not let your friends, classmates, etc. impose or reinforce
their behaviors, values and ideas on you. Instead, let them
know what you think, feel and want.
- Be honest when giving and receiving compliments. Never ignore
a compliment and do not feel you must return one.
- Learn to say "NO" to unreasonable requests. Use
the word "no" and offer an explanation if you choose
to. Do not apologize and do not make up excuses.
- Avoid "why" questions. "Why" questions
may encourage the listener to be defensive.
- Recognize and respect the rights of your friends, roommates,
co-workers, etc.
- When communicating with others, use an appropriate tone of
voice and body posture. Maintain eye contact. Tone of voice
should be appropriate to the situation. Stand or sit at a comfortable
distance from the other person. Gestures can be used to emphasize
what is being said and the word "I" and "we"
should be used in statements to convey your feelings.
- Ask for feedback, and for another point of view or opinion.
The Language of Assertiveness
- "I" statements: "I think…", "I
feel…", "I want…"
- Statements of personal reference and personal meaning: "This
is the way I see it", "In my opinion", "This
is how I feel", "This is what it means to me".
- Statements of Request: "I want…", "I need…".
- Statements of offering compromise: "I would like this…What
would you like?" "I think…what do you think?"
"What would be an acceptable compromise?" "Can
we work this out? What time is agreeable to you?"
- Asking for time: "I'd like to discuss this in an hour".
- Asking for clarification-instead of assuming.
- Avoid demanding and blaming statements: "You make me…",
"You think…", "You should/shouldn't...",
'It's your fault...", "Don't you think…",
"If only you would…".
|
|
